Dear God

When, full of promise, faith was fair
When chosen, naive
Yet of despair and stained garments
Yet of broken things unmended
And this a chore of gratitude
And of foul, joy
Of meaning, this purifying fire
Of humiliation, hope
I have flailed to see
I have flailed
Like dusk
Like twilight
Beyond certain
Beyond now
Lay resolution
Lay the written wall
This apathy and terror
This hope filled ambiguity

God, you never refused to accept me; my limitations, my imperfection. I refused. I was driven by destiny, and yet I bucked. I was never, “unwanted”; I just believed I was. Programed to believe mistakes and failure are the same. These illusions of flesh.

God, you were always there. Fully aware of who I really was, am, will be. I am no one, yet you surround me with jealous love. You are Lord of the Universe, yet You listen when I cry, when I laugh, when I pay my bills.

God, in my inability, you gave me grace. In the valley of shadow, you taught me strength. In my childish petulance, you set boundaries. In apathy, you brought healing. In life’s uncertainty, you fanned the spark of hope.

God, I will trust You. I will mock disappointment. I will spit at the feet of the deceiver. I will dance on my own grave. You are Lord of Eternity, what is there to fear? So, I rest in the flaming arms of Your Spirit.

“I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you hope in your final outcome.”

Jer.: 29:11 (MSG)